You Have The Magic and The Power To Be Sexy




I had a fear of being alone. I had a lot of friendships that were toxic and draining. I needed to let go of them and really be okay with being myself.

The more I got in touch with myself and dealt with the things that were going on in my life, the more my outward appearance – as a reflection of how I felt about who I am and what I stood for- changed as well. Back when I was going to clubs a lot, my style was all about showing skin. Now, I don’t feel I need to seek that kind of attention anymore. I’d rather wear a more stylish outfit than a skimpy, outrageous one that leaves nothing to the imagination. Which isn’t to say I don’t occasionally love to strut around in garters and a bra and panties. The difference is the motivation behind it. Back then i felt like I had to do it all the time. I was dressing for attention: I wanted people to notice me and I thought that was the only way they would. Today, I am much more secure and directed in myself. If I want to look sexy now and wear something outrageously provocative, I feel more empowered. I do it for me, not for anyone else’s approval. That what confidence is all about.


I Think I Can, I Think I Can…


So you wanna be as cool as a cucumber in any situation? Think the little engine that could. Seriously, for me, it starts with a single, positive thought: I can do this, I’m worthy. I deserve it. I’m here for a reason. And whatever happens, I can walk away knowing I gave it my best shot. I’ve always been a cheerleader to my friends and people I care about. I think a lot of women do this. They’re generous with others- always encouraging their friends and family and seeing the best in them- but they’re stingy with themselves. I was my own worst enemy for the longest time- the queen of self-sabotage. I wasn’t able to focus on the best things in myself; instead, I’d focus on my flaws. Isn’t that ridiculous? I know I’ve been blessed with a great life and I’ve been really fortunate with the success that I’ve had, so why would I focus on my weaknesses? What I know now is that your inner dialogue is really important. For example, if you tell yourself, “I’m gonna suck,” there’s a really good chance you will. But I really retrained my thought process: “Be yourself, and it will be fine.” And it usually is. And positive thinking even has health benefits: I recently read an article in The New York Times about scientists who found that optimist live longer.


Laugh, Even if Your Butt Is Showing


I am always happy when people tell me I have a good sense of humor. I try so hard not to take myself too seriously because it’s a recipe for a nervous breakdown. I know I am not perfect, no one is, and if you don’t laugh at your mistakes, you’ll cry over them. Besides, laughing is incredibly sexy, and laughing at yourself doubly so because it shows you’re not uptight. No wonder a great sense of humor always tops those lists in all the men’s mags of what men really find attractive (along with a big pair of boobs, of course). I have had some pretty embarrassing moments that could have made me bawl.


It’s also sexy to laugh with other people. There’s an idea out there that men like a woman who plays hard to get, who looks like the snottiest bitch in the room, but I’ve never found this to be true. Men are more attracted to women who will laugh at their jokes. When you’re generous enough to listen to a man who is trying to impress you with his sense of humor and you laugh when something he says is funny, it makes him feel good- and besides, it’s healthy for you to laugh anyway. Did you know that a study found that laughing raises energy expenditure and increases heart rate 10 to 20 percent? Translation: Ten to fifteen minutes of laughter could burn up to ten to forty calories per day, which could mean about four pounds a year. Plus, scientists say it reduces stress, improves circulation, stimulates the nervous system, heightens the immune system, and makes the heart stronger. So don’t be such a cold fish. Loosen up and have a good time. People will be drawn to your sense of ease and they’ll feel more comfortable around you if they see you as fun and human instead of an ice queen.


Here’s another thing that should make it easier. When you are actually into someone, his jokes are naturally funny to you… even if they’re not.


Even a Flaw Can be Fab

How boring would it be to go on a date with someone who was perfect? Imperfections are very attractive in people- I would never be attracted to someone who was a phony, a fake, who tried to hide what made him unique. Your true self is going to come out eventually anyway, so you might as well strip off all the pretenses from day one and let it all hang out. Let him fall in love with the person you truly are. Most people will relate to you more if you’re human, and human is not perfect. People want to see you’re personality. It’s not bad to be you. Embrace the little things that make you special, memorable. You’re a klutz? I think that’s cute. You’re the world’s worst cook? So what? That’s what take-out is for. These are all little pieces- not the big picture. But they all help make you the person you are, and they’re nothing to be ashamed of. Remember in My Best Friends’s Wedding when the Cameron Diaz character can’t carry a tune in karaoke but it only makes her fiancé love her all the more? Sure, we wanted Julia Roverts to get the guy… but you gotta admit, that off-key Cameron was cute as a button.



Now you have more than a few ideas of how to boost your self-esteem and feel good about yourself, your personality, your bod. Now its time to radiate all those great, positive feelings outward, into a style befitting the newly fabulous you. The fun is just beginning…



Julie x


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