Style, Confidence, and What is Sexy?


I’ll be honest with you: I was always boy crazy. I had a boyfriend in kindergarten. When I was younger, I wore tight jeans to school (my poor mom!). But even with this innate sexy sixth sense, I didn’t always get it right – or know what to do with it. Over the years, I was constantly experimenting with new looks, trying to maximize my sex appeal. Learning how to harness your sexuality takes time and maturity. Sexiness gives you a sense of power and control – if you’re sexy, people are drawn to you like bees to honey.


The first lesson you need to learn is that you are your own “sexpert”. Sexy is personal- everyone has her own way of seeing it, and most important, being it. What’s sexy for one person may not be sexy for someone else. And your own feelings on sexiness can change from year to year, week to week, day to day. 

Take me, for example. I think lots of things are sexy. Black leather and black lace? Totally sexy. But I also think being with a trustworthy and loving person who takes care of you is sexy. I think holding hands is sexy, but so is a guy who can dominate or likes it when I do. A low-cut gown and mile-high stilettos? Hot! Jeans, a tank top, and a pair of Chucks? Ditto.

Okay, Julie, you say, how are you going to help me be sexy if you can’t give me any hard and fast rules? Well that’s just the thing- there are none. What I can tell you is how and where to start your own personal journey to sexiness. To find your own sexy self, you need to be comfortable and confident with the person you are. You have to like the lady you see in the mirror- truly like her, inside and out. I know that’s not always easy.

Believe me, there are days when I don’t feel pretty or poised; when I doubt myself and I’m insecure and nervous and would much rather stay in be all day than get up and go to the gym. Any woman who tell you she doesn’t feel that way at least once in a while is lying; we’re all human. Everyone has a bad hair day or wakes up feeling bloated or wishes she was just ten pounds thinner or two inches taller or five years younger. And I guarantee that whenever I feel that way, whenever my confidence starts to slips, it shows.. big time.

So that’s where it all begins: with an inner confidence that radiates outward. Once you have that, you can share it with the world throughout what you wear, how you style your hair and makeup, how you carry yourself. All of this things are easy to figure out; its the inner work that really takes time and effort and dedication. You have to do your homework and a whole lot of soul searching to discover the real you. And at first, the person you find might come as a total shock or surprise- she might be very different from the girl you were growing up or the image your friends and family have of you. You don’t have to please anybody but yourself or live up to anyone else’s expectations. That itself is another key to being sexy. You need to be secure enough to not care (too much) what people think.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t solicit opinion, I always do. Listen to what people tell you, then make your mind up yourself, staying true to what you believe is right for you. There were countless times I asked my fiancé, Philly, for his opinion on what outfit I should wear to an event. I’d hold up my favorite and he would say. “I’m not crazy about it.” But then I’d look in the mirror and go with it anyway. Why? Because I was the one who had to wear it – and I liked the person I was in it. The ultimate veto power is always yours.

I am lucky enough to have figured out what makes me feel sexy most the of the time. People often ask me if anyone taught me to be sexy. I had a lot of great role models who have inspire me and empowered me- many of them from the time I was young- and I’ve studied them carefully. I’ve always had a thing for Pamela Anderson. To this day, in her fifties, she has this fire about her. She can be sweet and coy and then, bang!, completely explosive. There ain’t nothing sexier than a woman who’s unpredictable.

So how do you know you have what it takes to be sexy? I can promise you one thing: Everyone has it in her somewhere. It just a case of finding it and unleashing it. For starters, stop doubting yourself. Sexy comes in all shapes, sizes, and guises. Smart is sexy. Curves are sexy. Being a mother is sexy (you’ve got all this wisdom and experience under your belt and in your bed!) Sexy can whisper; sexy can shout. Sexy can draw a crowd or hypnotize an individual. Sexy is not being afraid of your own needs, desires, and passions. Sexy is lettering go of your inhibitions and insecurities. Sexy is being affectionate, kind, and compassionate. Sexy can be single or a couple. Sexy can be happily ever after, or the here and now.




And sexy is striving to be the best person you can be, which you’re already doing. I can’t make you change the way you think or feel, but I can help you explore your sexiest self. What you do with what you learn… that’s all up to you.



Julie x

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